I remembered when I couldn't wait to choose my career path. I couldn't wait to have a serious relationship that lasted beyond the fleeting moments of a high school dance. I couldn't wait to live on my own, have my own apartment, cook my own food, have late night chats with my roommates.
I hate making decisions. Hate it. All my life I feel like they've been guided along for me by adults, older than me. And they all came out just fine. I knew what I wanted and I told them and they made the decisions for me. Not that I had no control, it was just nice to have someone/thing to rely on. And if the situation came out badly it was not my fault.
Recently, this has stopped. And the results I desire are no longer coming out of someone else's accord. Because things are so tailored to me, no more set in stone, generic issues, I don't know what to do. Well I do. Because the situations aren't that unique. I just don't know what outcome I want.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't love the independence of deciding for myself. It's just I have reached a point when these decisions are mine completely and absolutely and ones I have to take all responsibility. As cowardly as it sounds, it scares. Quite frankly, this growing up business, is just as hard as every cliched "coming of age" story puts it.
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